Have you ever seen anyone make a call from an iPhone? Doubt it, because they are absolutely no use as mobile phones.
The iPhone is merely a plaything for the socially inept: it’s a monumentally irritating gadget that people insist on placing on the table in the pub in the hope that they’ll receive a text or email that’ll distract them from the unfeasibly dull conversation they are having with the so-called friends they are with.
Pubs are now fully loaded with communities of people who don’t communicate in the normal fashion – doubtless they are Facebooking or Tweeting something inane. The iPhone ‘stroke’ is now part of society. That desperate scroll down the contacts list tells you that the iPhoner is having a problem finding someone that just isn’t quite as vacuous as them.
And don’t get us started on the coma-inducing apps conversations…
‘What have you got? I’ve got Shoobeedoo’.
‘What’s that man?’
‘Well, it’s mega. If you hear the name of a song on the radio or from an advert, it’ll search the iTunes bank, identify it, put it through a filter, add a spoon of sugar and it’ll make it sound like a cover version of any Lulu song.’
‘Cool, sounds wicked. Well, I’ve got Icantcutmyownfood’, which is equally sick. What it does is, it recognises your plate of food in a restaurant and instructs the chef (remotely of course) to dice it up into little chunks so you don’t have to chew too much. It’s not as wicked as ‘Howtobreatheairbook’ that does all the breathing for you so you don’t have to.’
‘Cool, which website can you download that from…?’
The iPhone is a life-support machine for dullards. If you are in a group of iPhone-strokers at a social gathering get up, get out and count cars because although that’s unfathomably tedious it’s more interesting than spending time with these quite ridiculous individuals.