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Excellent warning, rubbish saying

‘Time will tell’
Time doesn’t do anything other than pass – that’s its job. It doesn’t announce stuff – it’s completely mono-functional.

‘Time flies’
See above.

‘Needs no introduction’
Oddly, when people use the phrase they wobble on for about the next five minutes…

‘Goes without saying’
Yup, they do the same here…

‘Needless to say’
… and here.

‘A house is not a home’
Unless, of course, the home’s a house.

‘A picture paints a thousand words’
Only if there are a thousand words featured in the picture.

‘A problem shared is a problem halved’
Well, that’s basic maths isn’t it? If you have three people on the job, then the problem is thirded…

‘Attack is the best form of defence’
No, defence is the best form of defence.

‘Paying through the nose’
More a lesson for Daniella Westbrook and other coke fiends.

‘It cost me an arm and a leg’
Clearly it didn’t if the person saying that still displays a moderately symmetrical appearance.

‘Every Jack has his Jill’
Unless she’s called Joan.

‘A woman’s place is in the home’
Unless she’s at work.

‘A woman’s place is in the kitchen and the bedroom’
Unless she’s in the bathroom.

‘A woman’s work is never done’
Unless she’s finished it.

‘All roads lead to Rome’
No they don’t. Some go to Newcastle.

‘Brevity is the soul of wit’
Brev is wittier then.

‘Less is more…’
… more or less.

‘Love makes the world go around’
Then all that stuff about the Sun’s gravitational pull is a load of old cobblers then… Get with the picture, Copernicus…

‘Money makes the world go around’
Ah… now I see…

‘It’s never too late’
You’re supposed to be at that job interview for 11.30am. There’s been a traffic horror show, the cat ate your tie and it’s now 2.30pm.  That, my friend, is way too late.

‘No use crying over spilt milk’
Unless you’re Gordon Brown, you just had a conversation with a woman called Gillian Duffy, and forgot to turn your radio mike off.

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