Tom Jones cannot now be regarded as sexy. He looks like a twilight moon wearing a goatee.
The fact is a civil servant is part of a huge clunking organisation that – let’s be clear – is absolutely not there to help you.
A cat is a 16-year mistake that’ll hurt you from day one.
A fat person in skinny jeans looks like a piping bag full of sausage meat.
Bad hair is the human equivalent of a poorly chosen garnish.
The iPhone is merely a plaything for socially inept: it’s a monumentally irritating gadget that people insist on placing on the table in the pub.