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Sheep. Bastards

“I like what I like”
Who likes what they don’t like and who doesn’t like what they like?

Maybe, somebody who says this is not really sure about themselves and is over-compensating. So that means that anyone who is insecure enough to say ‘I like what I like’, doesn’t like what they like at all.

Think about that for a while.

“There’s no need to panic”

When was there ever a need to panic? Even if something has gone horrifically wrong how can it help you by running around in a state of terror shouting ‘Panic! ’Exacting situations demand a cool head and a calm approach. When soldiers are being fired at from all angles, the commanding officer never says ‘Tell you what we need to do here, we need to panic.’

So, here’s the thing. There’s no need to panic.

“Life is a rollercoaster”
Yes, it is very similar in that you spend a lot of money on something that’ll make you regurgitate fried food repeatedly and that’ll you gain absolutely no pleasure from the experience that promised so much.

“Just two ticks”
When someone tells you they’ll be just two ticks the inference is that no more than two seconds will pass before you have their full attention. The next time you hear this, time them. Count ‘one’, ‘two’ and if they are still faffing about doing whatever inane activity they are doing simply walk away.
Two ticks means ten minutes unless of course you are talking to a Tourette’s sufferer. When they say ‘Just two ticks’, they are merely explaining why they just punched you in the face twice.

“No offence”
When you hear the words ‘no offence’ expect a litany of offensive statements designed to expose all your frailties. ‘No offence’ is like opening the floodgates to a comprehensive run-down of all your character flaws. It’s a polite precursor to pain. Then after that pride-swallowing rant is complete you’ll be told your breath stinks and the ‘no offencer’ will be happy to walk away know that he or she has inadvertently kick-started a bout of terminal depression.