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A Newton Faulkner concert: good time to purchase a noose

This expression is used to promote acts as unique, but is the sound of Michael Bublé unmistakable? Not really, he’s just another ruddy modern-day jazz act with an array of underwhelming tunes that sound nice when Toby and Vanessa come round for fajitas.

Then there’s the ‘unmistakable’ sound of Paulo Nutini, who sounds pretty much like James Morrison, James Blunt and anyone else called James who plays guitar.

What about Newton Faulkner then? Well, he’s just hairier version of Damien Rice with tunes of such outstanding mediocrity and blandness that only a contract with Schindler’s lifts can fully understand.

What is true is that Pinky and Perky are unmistakable as is Timmy Mallet but Nutini, Morrison, Faulkner and Rice are simply adding more asphalt to an already grey and unending road of inordinately dull bed-wetter’s music.

If all this lot are smart they will all decide on career-change, forget all this unmistakable nonsense and start up a very nice pizza restaurant at the end of my road.