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Think. Tank

The  Goverment, as part of its budget-cutting slash-and-burn policies, has decided it’s time to dismantle the rather pointless and unnecessary pool of think tanks.

That’s probably a wise decision.

Why? Well, let’s face it, is there really any constructive thinking going in think tanks?

I very much doubt it.

Usually any policy, law, system or strategy that comes from a think tank is hopelessly inept. And you have to ask the question: who on earth works in think thanks? People with overly large heads?

The think tank is an enigma. How do you get a job in a think tank? What do you put on your CV? ‘I’m good at thinking?’

I think quite a lot. It comes naturally. Sometimes I think about yoghurt. It’s off milk. Then I might look down at the button on my jeans and wonder if I could use it as a medieval seal on a very important piece of mail. Sometimes I think about how many times I’ve blinked and thought what a weird shape ears are. Often I imagine Sophie Dahl with a space hopper for a head.

This I feel, makes me ideal for an £80k-a-year job in a think tank.

We have to wake up to the fact that people who work in think tanks are only good for Sudoku and crosswords, and they should not be seen as any kind of benchmark for sensible government policy. But what they do have is an easy life: you can imagine these galactically useless individuals skulking around the corridors until their equally useless bosses confront them about their workrate.

‘Jones! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get back to your desk and do some more thinking.’

‘Sorry sir, I was looking down at the button on my trousers and I started to think: ‘ Wonder if…’

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